Types of People You See at Denny’s

[Listen to an audio version of this blog here.]

Denny’s: Always Open, Never Worth It.

Below you will find a list of typical Denny’s customers. This is not comprehensive.

1. Sad, tired dental hygienists who don’t want to go home to their 18 children, so sit in a sticky red booth until midnight, nursing a cup of coffee and ordering a single pancake.

2. Truckers, both men and women, who consider themselves part of the “in” crowd once they successful consume a Lumber Jack Slam and 2 cream cheese waffles without projectile vomiting all over the waiters’ Reeboks.

3. Poor college students, who just want to go out for food, but who only have one ten dollar bill, and therefore cannot afford to leave a tip.

4. Local garage-bands, who smell of weed and sweat and consume an entire pot of coffee each. They all have long greasy hair that falls in their eyes, which they keep pushing back with their hands, feeding the greasiness. There is one balding band-member, who the rest call “gramps” and who takes his coffee decaffeinated, thank you very much.

5. Public school librarians and their educated, but annoyed children. Annoyed, because they never get to play video games or watch TV, which means all they do is read and become smarty-pant eggheads…