The Importance of Self-Reliance

[Listen to an audio version of this blog here.]

At the job I had before the job I had before the job I have now, I worked with a colleague who was always asking me to help him. Could I review his report? Could I help him find an EIN number? Could I provide the address of the place we all planned to meet (which happened to be in the calendar invitation)? Could I send him a document that lived on the shared drive? Could I review an email to his client?

I did help him, at first, because new employees often aim to please. Women especially want to be known for our helpfulness, our willingness to go “above and beyond.” In my annual review, my boss wrote, “good team player,” and I was happy. He also wrote, “needs to speak up more in meetings,” but I digress. The way I saw it, if I had nothing to say, I should say nothing. If everyone talks, who’s listening?

I helped my colleague, until another colleague pointed out that I might be helping him too much. I started letting his emails sit in my inbox for a few days. Once, I sent him a direct link to Google. Another time, I sent him a link to the company intranet.

Some people take it upon themselves to figure out the answer to a problem. Other people, like my previous colleague, want someone else to do the work for them. I’m here to tell you that the more you rely on others…