PTSD & Relationships

[Listen to an audio version of this blog here.]

“You’re not old,” I told Mike the other day, “you’re aged, like cheese. Nobody wants old cheese, but they do want aged cheese.” One is rotten while the other is crumbly and flavorful. Not that Mike is crumbly, yet. He just blinked at me and went about cooking dinner. There is almost nothing I can say to Mike that will offend him. It is a profound relief to have a partner like this, especially after walking on eggshells for years.

I’ve written about this before, but after one particularly long and negative relationship ended, I sought the help of a psychologist. I wanted to understand what was wrong with me (turns out, a lot) and how to avoid having another bad relationship. To be prescribed psychotherapeutic intervention, I first needed to meet with a psychiatrist who asked me not only about my relationship, but about my eating disorder, work environment, home life, and more. It was an interpersonal interrogation, which I highly recommend. Toward the end of our session, she gave me a questionnaire with twenty statements I was to either “agree” or “disagree” with. She stood near a window as I sat and circled my answers. When I handed it back to her, I had circled “agree” 18 times, and she looked me in the eyes and said, “Do you understand that you may have been in an emotionally abusive relationship?”