Love, Lust, & Self-Esteem

I wrote the title of this blog a long time ago. Like, over a year ago. But I couldn’t bring myself to flesh it out because I was scared. We avoid the things that scare us most, and if anything scares me entirely, it’s love. The idea for this blog came on the heels of a years-long relationship that unceremoniously ended with much shouting and slamming of doors. The dissolution of relationship can be a quick incineration or a slow burn. This particular relationship was the later and by the time everything imploded, I’d been emotionally disconnected for quite some time.

A few months later, I entered the wild, weird, exhausting world of dating and felt lust and infatuation for the first time in years. Men were drowning me in compliments, and the lines between love and lust became blurred. Did I like someone, or did I just like how they made me feel? Receiving praise and compliments from the opposite sex can be a quick hit. We feel loved. We feel special. Our brains release dopamine, and our reward circuit starts humming. We glow. We feel motivated, focused, and special. It’s natural human biology. But relying on praise to motivate you, or to feel loved and/or worthy of love, is a steep, slippery slope that mimics the high you might get from heroine. The first hit is amazing, but you’re always left chasing that first high, each subsequent high less and less tantalizing.