Long Days, Wine, & Draino

[Listen to an audio version of this blog here.]

It’s been a long day and normally, on long days, I’d do that thing we all do when we’ve had a long day: open a bottle of wine. We like to pretend that wine will make us happy or less tired or special or funny or however you feel when you drink a glass (or bottle) of wine. Drinking wine (or anything else for that matter) doesn’t especially make a long, tiring day less long or less tiring. In fact, alcohol makes us more tired, but who’s throwing stones at glass houses? (me).

Wine, or whiskey, or beer, or tequila, makes us feel cool or sophisticated or whatever, but only because we’ve collectively agreed that drinking wine/whiskey/beer/tequila is a cool, sophisticated thing to do, which seems incredibly stupid if applied to most other things. If we all ate our own shit and thought it was cool and sophisticated, we’d all be dead or, at the very least, very gross. To draw a less disgusting comparison, if we all agreed that eating a head of lettuce were a cool and sophisticated way to wind down after a “long day” then there would likely be a lettuce shortage or a salmonella outbreak which I believe is caused by shit. At the very least, we’d all be five pounds lighter and much more hydrated.

What I’m trying (badly) to say is that wine/whiskey/beer/tequila isn’t that cool or sophisticated and it’s kind of…