“I Love You, I Love You, I Love You”

[Listen to an audio version of this blog here.]

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” I said as I made my way up and over a long pass. This section of the course was an out and back. We had to climb to the turnaround, punch our bibs with an old-school hole puncher, and run back downhill the exact way we came. I was having trouble eating and could feel my energy fading. Nausea is difficult to deal with in a long mountain race. It was waxing and waning like the moon; one second I’d feel overwhelming nausea and the next, I’d successfully swallow a bite of food. My mantra at this point was simply to tell myself that I loved myself, not because I didn’t know or believe it, but because in moments of deep pain, love is the most useful emotion, the most tangible resource, and the most evergreen, accessible, and true reality.

There are obviously other tactics, à la David Goggins, whose tagline “stay hard!” has captivated audiences everywhere. He plays a mental game in which he separates himself into two people: a strong person and a weak person. The strong person’s entire job is to eradicate the weak. It’s sort of intense. Useful at times, and not so useful at others.

I personally don’t think it’s all that useful to “stay hard.” Staying hard is easy. Shutting out the world and everything in it is easy. Armoring yourself against the things…