I Dated A Narcissist, Again

[Listen to an audio version of this blog HERE.]

“Narcissists,” my therapist said, “often gravitate toward caring and compassionate people. It’s not your fault that you ran into another one, but it isn’t inevitable either. Now that you know what types of people to avoid, you should find it much easier to not experience another iteration of the same situation.”

I heard what he was saying, but I was annoyed nonetheless, not at him, but at myself. I had been in a years-long relationship with a man who was manipulative and insecure and deeply flawed. After the breakup I sought therapy and at my initial intake, the psychiatrist looked hard at me and said, “You know, you were emotionally abused.” She gave me a list of behaviors and told me to check off each one that applied to my ex. I checked 18 of 20 and felt the world cave in beneath me. She referred me to a psychologist who taught me about narcissism. We explored the depths of my need for approval, my all-or-nothing mentality, my deep desire for excitement and adrenaline rushes, and my propensity to set aside my own desires to accommodate the desires of my partner. Unsavory behavior, but true. I didn’t date anyone exclusively for months, in an effort to not make the same mistake a second time. Then, I met someone interesting and charming and attractive. I slowly let go of my ties to other men and we became exclusive…