Depression & Not Giving Up

[Listen to an audio version of this blog here.]

I have been having a minor depressive episode. Nothing crazy. It’s happened before, and the last time it did, I was in therapy. I remember asking my therapist why I was depressed, as if a middle-aged balding man could have any idea why my brain chemicals were out of sync. He didn’t try to tell me why though, he just said, “there isn’t always an obvious reason.” I did not like that answer. I am a literal person. If there is a problem, I prefer a solution, and there he was, not giving me one.

I eventually came out of it, with just as little rhyme or reason as I’d entered. I don’t remember what got me out of it, but I know it didn’t last forever. Depressive states are normal, but sometimes calling depression “depression” makes people uncomfortable. As if there is something wrong. There might be something wrong, sure, but nobody is happy all of the time. Life is a long series of ups and downs and the downs might be really low sometimes. That’s as good an explanation for depression as any.

It started weeks ago. I was feeling overwhelmed with a full calendar, a new job, training for an ultra marathon, and writing as much as possible. I had a client, I had partnership meetings and volunteer obligations and people who demand my attention. I didn’t feel like I had space to breathe, and suddenly, the things I…