Defining Boundaries

“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” ~ Brene Brown

Brene Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work, has spent more than a decade studying vulnerability, courage, authenticity, and shame. One of her most recent revelations is about the importance of setting boundaries and why doing so can be incredibly difficult. We want people to like us, and we assume that setting boundaries will upset others and push them away. In reality, setting boundaries enables us to be more compassionate, empathetic, and present with others. Setting boundaries isn’t always easy, but it begins with knowing your own limits, and being comfortable saying no.

Boundaries can be physical, material, mental, or emotional. To be in any type of healthy relationship, we need to be happy on our own. Boundaries strengthen relationships by enabling communication and reducing resentment.

A few weeks ago, a man asked me on a date. He is a lovely person, but the thought of going out with him was exhausting, so I said no. I gave no explanation and refused to feel guilty for disappointing him because what I needed at that time was space for myself. Women especially feel guilty for disappointing others, setting boundaries, or saying no, not because we are intrinsically polite, but…