An Excerpt From My Book

[My next writing project is a book about my childhood, running, and stepping into and out of an eating disorder. What follows is a short excerpt. More to come ❤. Listen to an audio version of this blog here.]

The story of my eating disorder is not especially unique. I began “dieting” when I was young — the earliest I can remember engaging in disordered behaviors is around age 10. I would write lists of things I could and could not do or eat that would look something like this: no sweets, no bread, do 10 pushups before bed; weigh myself daily; don’t eat too late; don’t eat too much; if you eat too much, workout; lose 10 pounds by August, etc.

Eventually, this behavior spiraled into more egregious stuff, like denying myself food for entire days, constantly weighing myself or checking my stomach in the mirror obsessively. I began cutting entire food groups from my diet until the only “safe foods” were raw vegetables, beans, and fruits. Once I was plopped in the cutthroat world of Division 1 athletics, I doubled down my efforts, purging when I thought I ate too much and binging out of control when my body finally rebelled for all the starving I’d put it through. I learned to isolate myself just enough so friends wouldn’t feel comfortable bringing up my strange behaviors. I learned to drink coffee and power through homework assignments, exhausted and depleted by the time I’d turn…