A Lesson In Not Giving Up

[Listen to an audio version of this blog HERE.]

I thought about giving up a dozen times. I was nauseous, constantly. The air up at 10,000 feet was thin, and growing thinner. I threw up half a dozen times, at least. I cried. I laughed. I experienced moments of deep elation and moments of pure pain. People like to say, “mind over matter,” but I’m not sure many of us really know what that means.

At mile 40, I sat at an aid station and contemplated quitting. I even told an aid station worker, “I’m not sure I can do this.” Her response was simply, “You can finish, you just don’t think you can.” In the moment, her words felt untrue, but I knew she was right. I ran down the mountain and back up, scaling a loose, gravel peak on my hands and knees in the dark, fumbling because I hadn’t brought poles, because I hadn’t trained with poles, because I foolishly thought I wouldn’t need them.

Running down the mountain from the mile 40 aid station, I was half-crying, trying to come to terms with another 5 hours of physical pain and mental struggling. A man came up behind me and said, “Rough day out here, huh?” And I laughed at the absurdity of his words. Rough was an understatement, but we were out there nonetheless, fighting against ourselves, and relishing the chance to do so.