2023 Holiday Gift Guide

Sarah McMahon
6 min readNov 26, 2023

[Listen to an audio version of this blog here.]

The holidays are just around the corner now, although if you were in a Home Goods in early August, you may have been scratching your head. Did you somehow skip forward a few months’ time upon entering the store? Is that a Christmas song blaring from the speakers? Why is there yuletide yard decor prominently placed at the front of the store when the temperatures outside are inching closer and closer to 100 degrees?

America retail chains have adopted the “it’s-never-too-early” philosophy when considering when to start hassling consumers about holiday shopping. Personally, I don’t think you should holiday shop, unless you have small children. Even then, your kid probably doesn’t need whatever thing you buy them. For the sake of engaging in the spirit of the holiday season, I’ve compiled the following gift guide; a list of items that may strike you as offensive, undesirable, or unrelated. I hope you enjoy spending money. xoxo.

For the friend who is annoyingly vegan, but who also looks too old for their age, a hydrating face cream with ginger and squalene, whatever that is:

For your in-laws, but only if you really dislike them, a customizable coir door mat.

For the old high school acquaintance whose child is in the same pre-k class as yours, and who is just a little too hands-on with her boys’ outfits, a passive aggressive candle with subtle messaging that will go right over her blessed head.

For your awkward adolescent nephew who has begun dating but who cannot for the life of him look anyone in the eye, a card game designed to help him engage in conversation and avoid social ostracization.

For the family friend who lives in a city and who has never spent more than 20 consecutive minutes…